November 5th 2015
So, I had a lovely holiday in Arrecife, Lanzarote and came back intending to finish my second screenplay. But I just can't seem to even try. So much of what I feel is grief for the loss of my sister Geeta and my Dad, guilt that I cared more about writing than their needs, tempered with the knowledge that I did look after Dad as much as I was able and I never stopped doing my best for Geeta, it was her decision to refuse medical treatment and Dad's decision to stay in Trinidad, I begged him to come back to London. But because he was embroiled in a court action, he felt he couldn't leave until the matter was settled, of course he didn't know he would die before that, leaving his children disinherited because of a Joint Tenancy in my grandfather's Will that means my aunt gets Dad's share because Dad's Will and Deed of Gift for his children are not to be found. All of this is agony I can't seem to let go of.
Recently, I saw the actor Vin Diesel on The Jonathan Ross talk show on ITV channel, still so emotional talking about Paul Walker and how many people have told him to move on from his grief. But as I have just explained, letting go is very individual and although I understand the comment left by Pal in this blog's Guestbook, everyone grieves differently and at their own pace, in their own way. Life is fragile and so are we. And that's okay.